Who is ready for an epic blog?

It will have comedy, fashion, style, recipes, a dog named "Kevin". 

Yeah, me too. 

Hope it happens soon. 

Ramblings of a Crazy Woman

Keeping up with this blog is terribly hard. Like

On a serious note

Man-ic

Relating to, affected by, or resembling mania.

When I first started writing this blog I was just trying to find a name for it that was clever. I thought it would be memorable. I had no idea how well that name was going to fit this blog.

I'm ready to start being real about how things really are in my life. Baby Poop and disgusting things in my fridge are nice topics, but I'm not really getting much  therapy from writting about those things, and I NEED MORE THERAPY THAN WHAT I AM GETTING AT MY SHRINKS OFFICE.

I've begun to get treatment. There, I've said it. T-R-E-A-T-M-E-N-T.

Just a little backgroud info here... When I was pregnant with Ellie, my relationship with John became....(it was ROCKY before) rocky...at best. We fought all the time, I screamed, cried, cussed yelled and threatened to do things that I am still not proud of, or ever will be, but at that time I thought I was just hormonal from pregnancy, at one point I checked myself into the psych ward, hoping it would help to get me through the pregancy. It did. I was a calmer person after my week spent in the hospital, Things were good for me. My relationship with John got better, I was more sane, made it through the pregnancy, John FINALLY let me move in with him so we could raise our daughter together...the day before I was due to have her, and she was born, everything came together nicely. Except....he was 38, and I was 23. And This isn't no gold digger story. He was a broke ass 38 year old. This is the story of a controlled girl. How she was made to believe she was crazy....and how she broke away and found out she was JUST like every other female out there.  How she would NEVER let someone control her again. And how she would be what everyone thought she never could....successful. 

From my MYSPACE blog but I think it's worth showing here.

thought you all might get a laugh, or you know, figure out how well I do at keeping house, by knowing some of the things I have found lurking in the murky depths of our refrigerator.

1. A head of lettuce that now closely resembles road kill....I think I even saw an appendage that has begun growing. Believe that this item has been in there for three months.
2. 3 containers of leftover spagetti. Put in there with the beliefe that John may eat left over spagetti. HA. Upon opening one of the containers I believe I lost consciousness.....woke up on the kitchen floor and an hour had passed.
3. a bag containing two round, brownish green/puke collored, items.....judging from the texture I think they may have been oranges...proof that we should eat more oranges.
4. a container of brown beans.....that used to be green beans.
5. And another container of leftover spagetti!
6. Chinese that I thought I would eat for lunch the next day. The last time we ate chinese was a month before Ellie was born, she is now 11 weeks old. You do the math.
7. The most unbelievable item I found was three bottles of wine.......half empty......so unlike me to waste ANY alcohol.
8. Left over pork tenderloin that has sprouted a two inch head of hair and smells like a 300 lb man who hasn't showered in a week.
9. A jar of salsa with an expiration date of May 22, 2004.
10. Two green apples that were like apple sauce with skin.

This is why John should help do more house work. Or hire a maid....I like that idea better.

So I Promised You a Story About Baby Poop, Here It Is.

Note: If you have a weak stomach, just ate an enormous amount of ethnic food, or aren't a mommy, you may not want to read this story. You have been warned.

Last Tuesday I stayed home with Ellie due to a particularly bad cold (turned out to be a double ear infection) that she had come down with. After getting up and calling in to work, making an appointment with the pediatrician and pulling the child off of me to lay her down for a quick morning nap, I went to the computer to check my work e-mails, and browse the Internet.

At first when I laid Ellie down she performed her usual, "OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE IN THIS AWFUL CAGE OF A CRIB" screaming routine, but then quickly became quiet and I thought she had laid her sweet little head down to rest. My first mistake of the morning.

She was quiet for about 10 minutes, looking back on it now If I would have known that she was not sleeping I would have thought that she was being strangely quiet. But me being the naive mother that I am, assumed that my adorable bundle of joy was sleeping. Anyway, after that 10 minutes of quiet she started whining once again. I let her whine for a couple of minutes but then the whining turned to eardrum rupturing screaming and I knew she was not going to go down.

So I get up from the computer and go get her. ( If this was a movie this is where they would cue the horrifically suspenseful music) As I rounded the corner into her bedroom I saw that she had pulled herself up and was anxiously awaiting my arrival, after all she had screamed so she knew I would be coming soon. The next thing I saw as I laid my eyes upon her was that she had some brownish greenish SOMETHING on her face. At this point ( I think I may have been in shock) I asked, "Ellie what is on your face?" Two seconds later I saw they diaper laying in her crib and it confirmed what I already subconsciously knew. MY BABY WAS COVERED IN POOP!!!! I immediately started looking around, the room was spinning, not only was my baby covered in poop, but so was her crib, the walls, her sheets, the stuffed animals she sleeps with, (It actually looked like she had rubbed Baby Minnie Mouses nose in the crap) her pacifier (still makes me gag to think about it) It was up her legs, on her arms, in her hair, ON THE FLOOR, I believe she may have even flung on the ceiling!

When I realized that this is what had gone down while my sweet little innocent ( MONSTER CHILD) was supposed to be taking a nice little nap I freaked out, I think I even screamed. I quickly picked her up by the armpits and carried her to the bathtub. The whole time I was carrying her she had this grin on her face....I'm not even going to tell you what I would normally call thistype of grin because that would just be sick....but nonetheless she had this grin on her face. Once in the bathtub I turned on the water and hosed her down as quickly as possible. At least she was clean....then it was on to the next subject at hand. MY BABY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE EATEN (GAG, GAG, GAG) POOP. Not only was I mortified and disgusted, but also fearing for my dear (MONSTER) babies health. First thing I did was head to the computer and typed in "What should I do if my baby eats poop" on Google. Let me just say that you have no idea how many sites will pop up when you type this in, or how many people have asked this same question on yahoo answers. It was reassuring to know that other mothers have also had the same problem and, from what they said, it shouldn't be a problem if it was just a small amount of POOP, but how did I know it was just a small amount....I mean she played in it for at least five minutes, SHE HAD TIME TO THROW IT AT THE CEILING! So I called my mom.

The conversation went something like this:

ME: Mom oh my god, I think Ellie just ate poop.

Mom: What?

ME:(Panicked) Ellie, I laid her down for a nap, and then she got quiet so I thought she was asleep, but then she started crying again and I went in there and there was poo everywhere and I think she ate some.

Mom: (Uncontrollable laughter) She'll be fine. It's just disgusting. It happens more than you think.

ME: Well YEAH it's disgusting. I mean my baby ate POOP.

Mom: (UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER....AGAIN)

ME: (annoyed)okay I've got to go. BYE.

Mom: bye

So the most embarrassing part of all of this was when I had to go to the pediatrician (we had the appointment set because of the cold) and ask her if Ellie would be okay. She gave me a funny look, I explained that it was a long story and somewhat traumatizing, and she said she would be fine, and she was, and is. So now I just get to keep it close to my heart that when she is sixteen and acting like she is Satan Spawn I can use this embarrassing (disgusting) story as blackmail.

A man of excellence.

I received news this a.m. that my college choir teacher passed away yesterday morning. This left me devestated. Absolutely devestated. Mr. Paul Sainer was a man of excellence. That is the only way I can even begin to explain what an amazing man he truly was. Mr Sainer believed in me at a time when no one else did. As a young mother in college, working part time and not having my priorities figured out I was sometimes very CRAZY. But Mr. Sainer believed in me fully. For the 2 years I attended OCC I was able to attend on a choir scholarship that Mr. Sainer ensured that I received. He gave me private vocal lessons and taught me to take pride in the amazing gift of singing that god had blessed me with. Mr. Sainer was a man of excellence. In his family life, In his walk with God, and in his career. He was a man who touched many lives and you are a better person just for knowing him. I know that knowing him and learning from him has made my life better. To this day I remember a message that he shared with our choir class one day about mediocrity. How mediocrity surrounds us everyday. There is mediocrity in our government, our educational systems, every where and it over whelms our lives. But he didn't want it to overwhelm us as his students. He wanted us to strive for excellence. And I hope that we are all making him proud now. He was, he is, an amazing man, and I believe that partly because of him I am the woman I am today. I promise him excellence, and to never be mediocre, that's the only way to honor him properly. RIP Mr. Sainer, you will be truly missed but thank you for all of the wonderful things you have done, You will live on in all of our hearts.

All I want for my birthday...

Just follow the link and see the pink....

http://www. artgoddess. com/purses. htm"

I'm sorry that was very distasteful...please forgive me.....but I mean seriously...would someone honestly ever carry that around? Be like "hey check out my giant Vajayjay purse."