Friday, June 6, 2008

So I Promised You a Story About Baby Poop, Here It Is.

Note: If you have a weak stomach, just ate an enormous amount of ethnic food, or aren't a mommy, you may not want to read this story. You have been warned.
Last Tuesday I stayed home with Ellie due to a particularly bad cold (turned out to be a double ear infection) that she had come down with. After getting up and calling in to work, making an appointment with the pediatrician and pulling the child off of me to lay her down for a quick morning nap, I went to the computer to check my work e-mails, and browse the Internet.
At first when I laid Ellie down she performed her usual, "OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE IN THIS AWFUL CAGE OF A CRIB" screaming routine, but then quickly became quiet and I thought she had laid her sweet little head down to rest. My first mistake of the morning.
She was quiet for about 10 minutes, looking back on it now If I would have known that she was not sleeping I would have thought that she was being strangely quiet. But me being the naive mother that I am, assumed that my adorable bundle of joy was sleeping. Anyway, after that 10 minutes of quiet she started whining once again. I let her whine for a couple of minutes but then the whining turned to eardrum rupturing screaming and I knew she was not going to go down.
So I get up from the computer and go get her. ( If this was a movie this is where they would cue the horrifically suspenseful music) As I rounded the corner into her bedroom I saw that she had pulled herself up and was anxiously awaiting my arrival, after all she had screamed so she knew I would be coming soon. The next thing I saw as I laid my eyes upon her was that she had some brownish greenish SOMETHING on her face. At this point ( I think I may have been in shock) I asked, "Ellie what is on your face?" Two seconds later I saw they diaper laying in her crib and it confirmed what I already subconsciously knew. MY BABY WAS COVERED IN POOP!!!! I immediately started looking around, the room was spinning, not only was my baby covered in poop, but so was her crib, the walls, her sheets, the stuffed animals she sleeps with, (It actually looked like she had rubbed Baby Minnie Mouses nose in the crap) her pacifier (still makes me gag to think about it) It was up her legs, on her arms, in her hair, ON THE FLOOR, I believe she may have even flung on the ceiling!
When I realized that this is what had gone down while my sweet little innocent ( MONSTER CHILD) was supposed to be taking a nice little nap I freaked out, I think I even screamed. I quickly picked her up by the armpits and carried her to the bathtub. The whole time I was carrying her she had this grin on her face....I'm not even going to tell you what I would normally call thistype of grin because that would just be sick....but nonetheless she had this grin on her face. Once in the bathtub I turned on the water and hosed her down as quickly as possible. At least she was clean....then it was on to the next subject at hand. MY BABY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE EATEN (GAG, GAG, GAG) POOP. Not only was I mortified and disgusted, but also fearing for my dear (MONSTER) babies health. First thing I did was head to the computer and typed in "What should I do if my baby eats poop" on Google. Let me just say that you have no idea how many sites will pop up when you type this in, or how many people have asked this same question on yahoo answers. It was reassuring to know that other mothers have also had the same problem and, from what they said, it shouldn't be a problem if it was just a small amount of POOP, but how did I know it was just a small amount....I mean she played in it for at least five minutes, SHE HAD TIME TO THROW IT AT THE CEILING! So I called my mom.
The conversation went something like this:
ME: Mom oh my god, I think Ellie just ate poop.
Mom: What?
ME:(Panicked) Ellie, I laid her down for a nap, and then she got quiet so I thought she was asleep, but then she started crying again and I went in there and there was poo everywhere and I think she ate some.
Mom: (Uncontrollable laughter) She'll be fine. It's just disgusting. It happens more than you think.
ME: Well YEAH it's disgusting. I mean my baby ate POOP.
ME: (annoyed)okay I've got to go. BYE.
Mom: bye
So the most embarrassing part of all of this was when I had to go to the pediatrician (we had the appointment set because of the cold) and ask her if Ellie would be okay. She gave me a funny look, I explained that it was a long story and somewhat traumatizing, and she said she would be fine, and she was, and is. So now I just get to keep it close to my heart that when she is sixteen and acting like she is Satan Spawn I can use this embarrassing (disgusting) story as blackmail.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Hilarious- well in retrospect I assume! It is good to know that it's okay to eat some poo in small amounts! Glad you survived!